Those Side-By-Side Moments

On Father’s Day, a realization at the Cheesecake Factory, and the lessons that actually stick.

Katie had never been to the Cheesecake Factory before that day.

We’d talked about going for five years and eight months before we finally made it happen.

There aren’t many places in Knoxville more Holy Grail-like for a pregnant woman than the Cheesecake Factory. And my wife was nothing if not positively foaming at the mouth for a massive slice of cheesecake from the nationwide chain.

We split an order of Jambalaya Arancini and Thai Chili Shrimp, both of which were excellent. Our entrees were very good, too, of course. We were as full-up as two people could be, but we’d be completely out of line if we skipped the main reason we’d arrived in the first place!

And though she’d spent two or three minutes looking at the cheesecakes near the entrance, by the time we were ready to order dessert, she was still unsure. She excused herself from the table to go take another gander at the display.

I didn’t really care what she ordered. I just wanted a couple bites; my bride and our boy could have the rest.

My fitness has been going through lots of changes lately, as I’ve been working around some overuse injuries that seem to finally be on the way out. Despite this, I’ve still been strength training and have turned my thrice-weekly runs into daily 5K walks. As it turns out, the slower pace is exactly what I needed.

I enjoy my walks because they give me around 45 minutes of time to think through things. Activity has been proven to jumpstart the brain, so I use these evening walks to my advantage. And while I think about a bit of everything – existentialist philosophy, my newest hobbies, asking questions of Odin, Thor, and Freyja, etc. – I spend most of the time thinking about Niko and what it means for me to become his dad.

On a recent walk, I was thinking about how angry I was that my own father surrendered his ability to have any influence on my life at all at such a young age. I’m eternally grateful that my step-dad stepped up in the way he did, but at the end of the day, we never really spoke the same language. To this day, I can’t confidently say we’ve ever “gotten” each other.

Due to this dynamic, I feel as though many of the lessons he tried to teach me never quite landed despite his best efforts.

However.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that the spoken lessons are rarely ever the ones that stick with you anyway. A person’s actions and the special moments they create are what make the biggest impressions.

Chuck stood in front of the mirror with me as we both went through the motions of tying a necktie.

He held onto the back of my bicycle seat when I was learning how to ride without training wheels.

He stood in the bathroom at our condo at the beach demonstrating how to shave with a disposable razor after learning I’d forgotten my electric shaver at home.

And though he may have been freaking out a bit too much for my comfort, he sat as calmly as anyone could in my passenger seat while teaching me how to drive when I was 15.

While he did successfully teach me how to tie a tie, how to ride a bike, how to shave with a proper razor, and even how to drive, it isn’t those skills that were important to me.

It was having him there, beside me, doing life with me that I needed so much.

These days, we can learn how to do anything on YouTube. I’ve built custom shelving, repaired my HVAC system, and learned how to play “Banjo in the Hollow” on my banjo all because of YouTube. And that’s really cool.

But those skills pale in comparison to those I picked up in those vulnerable, side-by-side moments with a man who didn’t necessarily know he was going to be my only dad when he signed up.

This realization has made me especially thankful for him on this Father’s Day.

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When Katie came back from looking at the cheesecakes, I watched her walk up and fell in love again in a way I can’t possibly explain with words. At 22 weeks pregnant, she was showing quite a bit, and the form-fitting dress she was wearing was especially flattering that night. She’s a beauty from a different universe, no doubt.

As she shuffled by the table to find her seat again, I placed my hand on her belly and smiled. This woman is giving me the greatest gift I could ever receive: a son of my own that I can create those special side-by-side moments with.

But for now, I have a hot baby mama that I can take home and split a Coconut Cream Pie Cheesecake with.

Life is amazing.

Happy Father’s Day, everyone!

-jtf